Not the ending I was hoping for

I cried a lot today, and I know I will have a lot more crying to do before all is said and done. It has barely been 8 weeks that Izzy has been with us, and the vets exam was not as good as I had wished. I am not a person with a lot of money in fact I can hardly pay all my bills. Somehow I manage to take good care of my horse. The vet came out today to check on the funny symptoms Izzy has been having. She and I came to the same conclusion as to what is wrong with her. Granulosa cell tumor of the ovary and or bad ulcers. Either way they both require hundreds of dollars in tests and thousands of dollars in treatment.

We would start be doing an ultrasound/palpation followed by an hormone panel and a inhibin test. This is extremely expensive...if the tumor is found or severe hormone issues she would require an ovariectomy at OSU. Then she would have to be put on hormone therapy.

If nothing was found, then she would be given an endoscope to look for ulcers and then treated with gasto-guard which is 1000.00 for a 28 day treatment.

In the end would I have paid a sale price $5000-6000 for Izzy? (probably not) Would I have paid that much for a moody mare, with a prior broken knee that raced only once was pretty green under saddle and had less than great conformation? (doubtful) Please don't get me wrong Izzy is a sweet horse and I am already attached to her. But if I were to spend that much money 8 weeks ago I would have bought a finished show horse that was safe enough for my kids.

Its not just about the money. If she goes through with treatment especially the surgery it would put her out of commission and on stall rest for the whole spring and summer. Not to mention having to start all over again with training when she heals up. There is the possibility that she would still behave like at bitch (excuse my language) and that she would still give me a hard time. Then finally there is the risk of doing these evasive and drastic treatments, there is always a great risk with a large surgery.

I'm so torn. But I have decided that I will not just sell her or give her away. That she would go back to CANTER, because I know they would take good care of her and make sure she found a good home. My family thinks I should give her back where she could have a better chance of getting the treatment and care she needs. And look for a horse that is a little more finished so I would be able to ride more and have a horse that is safer for my boys. If I think about it, that would be the more rational decision.

I will post another blog when I figure out what is going on. I want the best for Izzy, but I have to consider my goals and dreams too.